A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
