3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Success! We fucked roommates!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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