She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
