my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
