Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
