omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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