do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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