Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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