that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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