More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
