So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
