sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize