New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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