the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
