The maid of honor just puked.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
