I got chris browned last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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