I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come on in and take your pants off
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