I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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