Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
