Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
