I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
