What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize