I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
