I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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