How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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