Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
