i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
