i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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