What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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