My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
