my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
