apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
