So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
