i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We need to rekindle our bromance
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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