You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
