remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
