no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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