Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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