well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
