I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
