My liver just broke up with me...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
