i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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