Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
