I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
