**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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