I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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