Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
