Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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