I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
