new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
