no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
