Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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