Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm jealous of your bromance
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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