Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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