Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
