Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
