I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
