I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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