they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
