Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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