I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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