He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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