you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
