our cab driver is having phone sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
