Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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