I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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