All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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