Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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