I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
