I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bring me that man meat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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